Last week I wrote about infidelity and while having a crush can be on the same pathway to infidelity, it can simply be a bit of fun and fantasy. A popular idea of being in a committed relationship is that your eye will not stray and you will only have fantasies about your partner. In reality, we are sexual beings and from time to time, it is normal to feel attracted to someone else. How you then act on that attraction will be the defining factor.
A crush is usually defined as a brief, but intense attraction to somebody. You may find yourself caught up in the ego-boost provided by someone who is flirtatious with you or who engages in stimulating conversation, which could be very different to a long term partner where things can get into a predictable routine. There are a few no-no's though if you don't want to find yourself on the slippery slope to infidelity:
1. Put boundaries around the crush: it's ok to have an ego-boost when you see that person. Enjoy the conversation and the enjoyable feeling but don't push the relationship further by meeting them for coffees, lunches or dinners outside of times when you would normally see them.
2. Do not complain about your partner or your relationship. This could give the other person the impression that you may be available.
3. Be transparent with your partner. If it is safe to do so, let them know you are experiencing a crush, which is a brief fantasy, but that you are committed to your partner. This may bring up feelings of jealousy from your partner so be prepared to spend some time talking about this.
4. Be aware of signs that you are unhappy in your relationship. If you find yourself not enjoying your time with your partner or comparing them to your crush, address this as the issue. It is one thing to have a brief attraction to another person, but it is a different thing if you are looking for another potential partner.
5. Know there is a difference between having a crush and an emotional affair. It is one thing to have a little fantasy about another person but imagining your life with them and constantly thinking about them is usually a sign that there are deeper feelings which need to be addressed.
The biggest rule is around honesty. If you are honest with yourself and your partner and able to communicate about issues that arise from having a crush, then that is a good sign.