Meeting so many different people and hearing the variety of ways in which people have received a sex education and developed their ideas about sex has always intrigued me. I can't say I have ever heard the same story twice - everyone is so unique.
We know that we develop ideas about sex through a range of sources - media, family, friends, school, reading, direct experience. As a child, information received through parents or siblings is the most influential, but once adolescence hits, information received through media and peers is what we go off.
I was reflecting on my own sex education and certainly media was incredibly influential. I have fond memories of sitting down to Home and Away which portrayed (heterosexual) relationships and their problems like infidelity and unwanted pregnancy. I also am old enough to remember what life was like before the Internet and the most common way to research was through encycolopedias. I remember finding a quiet corner in the school library with friends and pouring through books, as we nervously looked up "sex" and "orgasm". As I got older, shows like Dawsons Creek and Sex and the City became incredibly influential, as I navigated my own sexual relationships.
Why does all this matter? Every time I see a client who comes in for a sexual difficulty, we do a sexual history taking, which not only includes their direct experience but also how they learnt about sex. This is important because, as with many other aspects of life, we develop values and beliefs about sex in our early lives based on what we are taught. This goes on to be significant when we are sexually active and, depending on the belief or value, can be potentially harmful to yourself or your partner. A classic example of this is the impact of religious beliefs on sex. If someone has been told from childhood that they shouldnt have sex before they are married, but they make their choice to become sexually active, they can be left with a lot of guilt and shame attached to sex. Guilt and shame are two of the biggest turn offs and can seriously impede on an otherwise enjoyable sex life.
A lot of the time sex therapy involves exploring beliefs and values, challenging unhelpful beliefs and also providing accurate information about sex and bodies.
I invite you to ask yourself some questions and reflect on the development of your sexual identity;
What influenced your beliefs or values about sex or sexuality?
How was sex spoken about in your family? Were there any family secrets about sex?
Who did you feel most comfortable talking about sex with? Is that the same person now?
Are you holding any values or beliefs that are hurting your sex life?
Kristen Campbell :-)